she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
