How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
