Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
