Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
