Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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