He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
