I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
