i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
