Someone shit on the floor
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
