I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
