We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
