I've blown a few things in my day
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
