hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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