dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
