Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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