Where is the hickey?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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