We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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