Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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