Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
