the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
