I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
