Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just forgot I was standing up.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
