I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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