She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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