you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
