I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
