Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my shit smells like andre
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
