On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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