My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
