Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
