I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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