You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
