Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
MIDGETS
????
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
