the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
