Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
