I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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