No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
