i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
