I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
