Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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