Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
