Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
