your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
