I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
