maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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