I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
