you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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