my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
