I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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