I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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