can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found your dick twin last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
