i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we're making bets on your personal life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
